Immigration process for visitors

My parents arrived Wednesday from England for a visit. It’s so good to see them!

We were amused by the green immigration card they were given to fill out on the plane from Manchester in the UK to Newark, NJ. There are Yes and No boxes to check in answering seven questions, including something like, “Are you now a member or have you ever been associated with a terrorist organization?” Such faith in human honesty, that we ask that question apparently expecting someone to fess up and check “Yes” if applicable.

My mother was fingerprinted on entry. My father wasn’t – the authorities said because he’s over age 79. Apparently suicidal martyr tendencies drop off when you reach 80. I looked up Osama bin Laden’s age, and was surprised to find he’s only a year older than me. Maybe the Olay lotion is helping me after all.

Before being allowed entry, travelers are required to sign the following WAIVER OF RIGHTS: I hereby waive any rights to review or appeal of a U.S. Customs and Border Protection officer’s determination as to my admission….”. Welcome to our bastion of freedom, if you make it in.

But the part of the green entry card that made us laugh out loud says:

IMPORTANT: If you answered “Yes” to any of the above, please contact the American Embassy BEFORE you travel to the U.S. since you may be refused admission into the United States.

They give you this card an hour or so before landing.